I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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