I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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