once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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