1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
