Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
