i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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