I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
