Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
