I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
