It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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