it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
