I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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