i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
