my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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