I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
