New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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