We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
