i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
