At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize