I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
