so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
