take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
