I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
