I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
