We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
