the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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