just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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