I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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