I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
