good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
