Your tits are I can't wait for
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
