If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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