you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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