Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have post one night stand depression
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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