Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
