walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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