you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
