Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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