We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
