i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
