plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
