Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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