What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize