So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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