ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
