...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
