I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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