Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
