I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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