Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
