Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize