using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize