hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
