At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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