Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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