Pants 0. Shit 1.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
