I bet he comes in French.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
