I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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