i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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