Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
