I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
