Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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