Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
