My hand turned me down
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
