this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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