I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
