How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
