dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
