We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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