it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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