do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So much rum. So many feels.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
