Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
