I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
