i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
