i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
