I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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