By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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