You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
