It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
