i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
