Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
