The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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