There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
