this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
