dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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