who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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