come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
