Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
