just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
