his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
