I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
