i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
