O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
