i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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