; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
