I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
