soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You're like the curious george of whores
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
